I call it being human.
Why is it that if we get upset over things, changes, people in our lives we are conditioned to consider ourselves weak? I don't mean upset as in hacked off that someone drank the last of the milk or miffed at the price of gas going up. I mean changes in your life that cause a reaction deep in your soul.
Why is it that people feel that they have no right to get upset? I interpret having no right to be upset as having no right to be human. I am by no means advocating wallowing in pain and sadness to the point of your life going down the crapper. BUT if you undergo a MAJOR change in your LIFE.... Why WOULDN'T you be completely justified in being more melancholy, eating more ice cream and gaining support from friends?? Everyone hits these points in life, and the thing that as a whole we need to realize is that something that would cripple me for days or longer might have no effect on anyone close to me. At the same time, we need to realize that just the opposite is true.
We all have different tolerance levels to different things. Some people can't handle the cold, some can't handle hot food, others hardly have to stand in the sun for five minutes to get a sunburn. Some people look awful in yellow, others are horrendous at math, some are more fit for science wile some thrive in the arts. Why is it that as a collective we can recognize these things and accept them, while not accepting the same ideas in regards to psycho/emotional limits.
Changes, especially ones that create deep reactions within us is how we learn and grow. By being present during another's "growth process" if you will is another way we can learn about the world around us, and potentially learn how to prepare or cope if something similar happens to us. There should be no feelings of shame or weakness for needing some time to heal, especially if major life responsibilities are not met.
Who is really the weak person? The one that avoids getting to emotionally committed in fear of the pain and handles the changes only being hampered or hurt slightly, or the one that give more freely and is therefor hurt more by the changes?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
"Alleluia! Christ is risen!" "He is risen indeed! Alleluia!"
I would be remiss, if after the wonderful weekend I had if I neglected to post anything. For most Christians this was a very important weekend, The weekend that we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior. Orthodox has to wait till next week. I LOVE Holy Week. I prefer the Easter season to Christmas. I feel that Easter has so much more to teach us, and is much more rich with emotion.
Maundy Thursday is the service where we commemorate Christ washing the disciples feet. At the end of the service there is a stripping of the alter, usually done in silence with little or dimming light. This is the night we remember His suffering in Gethsemane, the night he was betrayed. This night and the next our hearts are to be with Christ, as this is all in remembrance of His pain and death. I don't believe in constantly feeling guilty, and low on oneself, even if we are all sinners. I believe that we should look to the miracle of God's love, however, this night is the night to feel that guilt, that pain, and to know we need to do better. This is the night to realize the magnitude of His sacrifice and how no matter how hard we try we will never be truly worthy.
Saturday I was blessed to see my brother perform in a choir that put on a musical program portraying the basic story of Christ, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. It was a very nice performance. After the choir was over it was time for me to book it down to Easter vigil. Starting with relighting the Paschal candle outside, and lighting our own vigil candles on our way in, then many readings from the scriptures. The best part of the service is at the end of the readings, where the other alter candles are lit and the lights are turned on, in this case to the sounds of bells and chimes. This is the time where we start celebrating that Christ is risen!
Sunday was two services again, Starting with Easter mass, full of joy, Alleluias, horns and bells. There is nothing like Easter mass, and between Easter vigil and Easter Mass I am filled with joy. HE IS RISEN! After mass I went to another service, where I got to sit with my family and had a trimmed down version of the choir performance the night before. After all of that I had family dinner with the boyfriend's family. I love his family, they are such great people. His parents hosted his two brothers, their wives, and the three grandchildren. The food was great and we all had a lot of fun hunting for, and breaking confetti eggs. Following last year's tradition I made sure to crack at least one down my man's shirt, because I am mature like that. :) After family dinner at his house we had family dinner at my house, with my parents, four siblings, one who might as well be a sibling, five missionaries, my squeeze and two friends. Yeah, that is right. FIFTEEN PEOPLE! ALL adults. We where loud, and friendly, and it was wonderful. After all that was math homework, yuck. lol
After all of that I feel so blessed and filled with joy. I have such wonderful people in my life, Christ is risen so I can be as well, and life is so amazingly good.
Maundy Thursday is the service where we commemorate Christ washing the disciples feet. At the end of the service there is a stripping of the alter, usually done in silence with little or dimming light. This is the night we remember His suffering in Gethsemane, the night he was betrayed. This night and the next our hearts are to be with Christ, as this is all in remembrance of His pain and death. I don't believe in constantly feeling guilty, and low on oneself, even if we are all sinners. I believe that we should look to the miracle of God's love, however, this night is the night to feel that guilt, that pain, and to know we need to do better. This is the night to realize the magnitude of His sacrifice and how no matter how hard we try we will never be truly worthy.
Saturday I was blessed to see my brother perform in a choir that put on a musical program portraying the basic story of Christ, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. It was a very nice performance. After the choir was over it was time for me to book it down to Easter vigil. Starting with relighting the Paschal candle outside, and lighting our own vigil candles on our way in, then many readings from the scriptures. The best part of the service is at the end of the readings, where the other alter candles are lit and the lights are turned on, in this case to the sounds of bells and chimes. This is the time where we start celebrating that Christ is risen!
Sunday was two services again, Starting with Easter mass, full of joy, Alleluias, horns and bells. There is nothing like Easter mass, and between Easter vigil and Easter Mass I am filled with joy. HE IS RISEN! After mass I went to another service, where I got to sit with my family and had a trimmed down version of the choir performance the night before. After all of that I had family dinner with the boyfriend's family. I love his family, they are such great people. His parents hosted his two brothers, their wives, and the three grandchildren. The food was great and we all had a lot of fun hunting for, and breaking confetti eggs. Following last year's tradition I made sure to crack at least one down my man's shirt, because I am mature like that. :) After family dinner at his house we had family dinner at my house, with my parents, four siblings, one who might as well be a sibling, five missionaries, my squeeze and two friends. Yeah, that is right. FIFTEEN PEOPLE! ALL adults. We where loud, and friendly, and it was wonderful. After all that was math homework, yuck. lol
After all of that I feel so blessed and filled with joy. I have such wonderful people in my life, Christ is risen so I can be as well, and life is so amazingly good.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The need to create.
My fingers itch. I have never had this sort of problem before, but that may have just been due to taking care of the urges before things started getting out of hand. I find myself painting things on an invisible canvas with my fingers. I have sketched ideas of art to bring to life. I see dances and paintings translucently suspended over the world around me. I have never before this time realized how closely my sanity is tied to creating, to art. I decided recently that I will take an art class as soon as possible, maybe next semester. I am fairly confident it is required for a theatre degree anyway, but regardless of that fact I feel I need to for my own psychological health. I so often feel the desire rising in me to make something, but without the skills that idea just adds to the pile of things I MUST do. There are times I can feel the utter NEED to compose something, anything. I can feel the urge in my chest, a whirlpool, waves, splashing in the cavity there. The hunger drowning my heart and threatening to overwhelm completely. I wonder if it is possible to get lost to these urges, this hunger, but I always just accept its presence and move on. I never have the time to entertain the idea of any course of action other then just to take a breath, feel it beating and swirling in my chest, and to live with it inside me. At times I wonder if this presence will prove my undoing or my preservation. Regardless of if parasite or benevolent burning, it is a part of me. It is a part of me that I am unaware of a way to live without, and am really not interested in researching a life without it anyway. So here I am, sitting at my computer, without the resources to form what my inspiration is whispering to me, fighting the urge to paint the air, and attempting to stay as sane as I normally am.
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